I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The struggles of a small town man whore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
