Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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