Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After last night, I could never be a politician.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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