Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
time to smoke my breakfast
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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