its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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