dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
