Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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