On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm gonna have a badass scar
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
