it was like his penis was on wheels.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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