Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
