There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
