Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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