It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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