Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize