Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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