She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
