Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
