Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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