Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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