My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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