i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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