he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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