yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sober January is a disaster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize