Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have demons in me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We have started to decorate penises.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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