I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
