i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
