You're so nebulous sometimes
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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