covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
