"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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