Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
