we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
