I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
