My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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