My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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