Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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