I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
