I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
