everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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