he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dignity is for republicans.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
