Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
