Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
3 2 1 whiskey
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
