All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
