I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Randomize
