My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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