Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
