ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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