Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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