i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
FUCK WHALES
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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