I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
