So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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