i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
