it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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