I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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