My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
