In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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