Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
