Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
