I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
