from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
