I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
