I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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