I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
