she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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