READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
