this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
