You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
