apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
