I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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