youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
