yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
