So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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