Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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