...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
