hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
