my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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