Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
