when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
