Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
