Where are you?
In a non slutty way
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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