Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All the doctor said was why
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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