I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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