Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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