I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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