I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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