is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize