is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
