The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
