I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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